Dante’s Inferno : B to the A, my friends.

If I were to be taking a vacation to Hell, I would want Dante as my tour guide. The man stitched a cross into his chest and kills Death! That is . . . insane.

Okay, here is the deal. I am going to mention the bad first. Get it out of the way, sweep it under and get on with our lives.

1. There are about a dozen camera snafu’s that block or hinder jumps, movements, and attacks.

2. Every once in a while you will get a “AWW Come on man, I hit that button!” moment and you really did hit that button.

3. You would think that the lower levels of hell were as freakish as the first 4-5 levels. Just sayin’.

Other than those things, I could not find anything wrong with Dante’s Inferno.  The controls were fairly smooth. Combat was clean and feverish. It keeps your attention all the way to the end. Some people have complained that they thought there would be more variety of bad guys the farther into Hell you went, I didn’t mind. The Devil can only employee so many.

It is obvious that Visceral Games wanted to freak you out with the first 4 stages of Hell. The screams of the damned and the cries of unbaptized babies that chase you will stick in your ear. All the stages are done very nicely, but Lust makes you go “What are these guys drinking?”.  The pure shock and awe of Lust will make you giggle at first. It turns into a game of counting how many penises and vaginas you can see. Not to mention the main demons of the stage. They beat you down with . . . wait for it . . . their vagina tonuges.

Another, image that made me laugh was when I fought Lucifer. He is quite fearsome and well endowed. At first I thought that he had three legs. Nope.

So, yeah, this is not for the kiddies.

Sure you can compare Dante’s Inferno to God of War, but you can compare those games to hundreds before them. One great thing is that there is plenty of downloadable content out now and in the near future, including a multi-player mode. I will pick this game up when it goes on sale. It was an enjoyable 14 hours.

Rent, then buy if you want the DLC packs that are offered. Either way, it is worth your time.


Fairy Tale Fights : I just saved you $$

Once upon a time there was a man that loved video games with all his heart. He played from morning till night. Until one day  a giant Gamefly brought a game to his mailbox.

This game had potential to be funny, creative, and enjoyable. It almost seemed as though the developers, Playlogic Entertainment, went half way with their idea and said, “Screw it! Let’s go get some doughnuts. The games got blood and cartoon characters, what more does it need?” Well, for starters, better camera work. If you are playing on anything less than a 37″ screen, you might have difficulty with playing a couple levels.

Other problems : controls “sometimes” work, perspective with certain jumps or areas can be sketchy, you will die . . . a lot, very repetitive to the point of drooling.

I really wanted to enjoy this game. I really did! Being a man of simple gaming love, it should have fulfilled my thirst. Most of the time I was thinking back to some of the impossible Mega Man jumps. So then years of repressed video game frustration boiled up. I laid it down, had a drink, and shipped it back.

Don’t rent it, don’t buy it, just be happy that reading this didn’t take 5 hours from your life, unlike Fairy Tale Fights.

Bioshock 2 : You can never find a decent plumber in Rapture.

Bioshock 2 is a return to Rapture, an underwater metropolis that went, well, crazy. You take the role as a Delta, a big daddy, trying to find his daughter and take down his “wife”. Sounds like a bad case of domestic abuse, but it is fun!

The story sets 10 years after the events of Bioshock. Sophia Lamb is now in charge of Rapture. She is crazy. Plain and simple. She sends her army of Big Sisters to take you down so that you can find the remaining little sisters.

Little Sisters? Creepy little girls that help you search for ADAM (blood), so that you can change your genetic structure and evolve. Evolve? Gain mutant like powers, such as shoot fire, electricity, and bees from your left hand. The right hand is an assortment of weapons, ranging from a drill, machine gun, shotgun, etc.

I did not find this game as creepy as the first. Sure there were a couple of moments that made me shiver but overall it seemed more like a haunted house at the fair. I got tired of repeated lines from the Splicers. Splicers? Humans that have mutated and now living in rapture with nothing to do but repeat the same 6-8 lines of dialogue.

Speaking of Splicers : Hey 2K! Why did you make them more powerful than some of the main enemies. I could take down another Big Daddy or Sister no problem, but a splicer could hit me 2-3 times with a wrench or shoot me with a pistol and I died. That was annoying.

Ok, back to the atmosphere of Rapture. Dark, wet, and bodies all over the place. Great look all the way around. Nice detail on everything.

The controls were okay. I had to tweak a couple of things. Everything was responsive though. There was never a “I HIT THE X BUTTON!” deal.  I did wish there was a “sprint” action for Delta. He lumbered around and it slowed down areas that really should have taken less time.

I will not go into any spoilers for those that have not played it yet. There are moments where you have decide good or bad. It does make the outcome of the game change. There are multiple endings just like the first Bioshock.

I felt that the last section of the game stretched on and on and on and on. Some areas seemed to be time wasters and make the game just a little bit longer. There was some back tracking that was annoying.

Overall the story, characters, and gameplay were great! I enjoyed the game even with the minor things I have mentioned. I can not see a reason for a Bioshock 3 though. There is a multiplayer aspect to the game. I touched on it briefly. It did not spark my interest. I am glad that the single player game was satisfying and worth the time spent! You hear that Infinity Ward and Dice? Give the single player campaign some time! Not everyone is about multiplayer all the time!

Go rent this monster or wait till the price drops. It is a good 16-24 hours worth of underwater goodness.